People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize