I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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