If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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