oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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