i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
