So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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