i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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