Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
