here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up under a house in Key West
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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