Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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