I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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