my mouth tastes like poor choices
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
