Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
