We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
