maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
