im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
