i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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