Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
