I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
