my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
