his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
