Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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