i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
