If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
