THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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