Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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