hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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