I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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