the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
