Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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