I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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