she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
