I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
