Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
