she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
