Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
