I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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