Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
COCAINE IS GR8
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
