the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
