You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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