Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
