Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
