I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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