at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
