All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
