When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
