lets start a swedish sibling band together
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
