The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
