my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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