Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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