whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize