im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
