"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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