The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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