Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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