The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
