I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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