I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
