I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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