Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
