Nicole vs. Life
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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