...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
